While all of this is still pretty new to me, I figured I'd put together this list for friends who are expecting or who will be trying to have children soon:
My Amazon Listmania List: What You Need to Prepare for Your Baby
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Breastfeeding Basics
Our little guy is exclusively breastfed so far, and I'm really pleased with how well it's going, how much I enjoy spending time feeding him (even though I wish he'd let me sleep a bit longer at night), and how easy it has been. So far, at least, we've had no problems - he learned to latch on properly his first day in the hospital, and he's been eating well ever since then - he regained his birth weight and more by the time of his 10-day checkup, and he already weighs more than 10 pounds!
I like knowing that I can provide for our baby like this and seeing how well he is growing from the nourishment I'm giving him. One other nice thing about breastfeeding is that the body burns calories making all that baby food! Though I haven't had time to exercise since Ari was born (unless you count a couple of ab exercises and a few walks to the park), and though I have a ways to go in this regard, I am slowly and steadily losing the baby weight!
I skimmed a few sections of my copy of The Nursing Mother's Companion (which I highly recommend as an excellent reference to have on hand) before Ari was born, but I didn't read much on breastfeeding ahead of time. For any other moms-to-be who are in the same boat, here is what I think you basically need to know:*
I like knowing that I can provide for our baby like this and seeing how well he is growing from the nourishment I'm giving him. One other nice thing about breastfeeding is that the body burns calories making all that baby food! Though I haven't had time to exercise since Ari was born (unless you count a couple of ab exercises and a few walks to the park), and though I have a ways to go in this regard, I am slowly and steadily losing the baby weight!
I skimmed a few sections of my copy of The Nursing Mother's Companion (which I highly recommend as an excellent reference to have on hand) before Ari was born, but I didn't read much on breastfeeding ahead of time. For any other moms-to-be who are in the same boat, here is what I think you basically need to know:*
- Make sure your baby is latching on properly. Every nursing book and website gives the same general guidelines for a proper latch, including pictures of proper latches, so I won't repeat all that here, but if have time to read nothing else about breastfeeding ahead of time, just make sure you know what a proper latch looks like. If you can help the baby get this right, it's more likely that everything else will go well - you won't be sore, baby will get enough milk, etc. In short, if it hurts when baby is latched on or if he doesn't seem to be drinking and swallowing, you probably need to adjust the latch. Either help baby adjust his latch (for example, I sometimes need to gently push down on my baby's chin a bit to open his mouth a little more), or detach him from the breast and try again.
- Don't always use the same nursing position, but put the baby in different nursing positions (football, cradle, side lying) as you nurse throughout the day. For me, at least, this helps make sure the baby evenly drains the milk and has helped keep me comfortable and prevent blocked ducts.
- If you think you may be getting a blocked duct, the next time baby nurses at that breast, aim his or her chin at the area that feels too full. So if the outside edge of the breast feels uncomfortably full, use the football hold the next time you nurse, for example.
- This isn't absolutely necessary, but I think it's helpful to encourage your baby to completely finish one side when he nurses. This will help keep you more comfortable, will ensure baby is eating enough, and will help prevent your baby from wanting to "snack" constantly. If the baby starts to fall asleep shortly after starting nursing, stroke his face, remove excess clothing to make sure he is not too warm, or put a cool cloth on his forehead to wake him up so that he will finish nursing.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Welcome to the world, Ari!
Our son Ari was one of those rare babies born on his actual "due date" - he was born almost 3 weeks ago now and we are both doing very well. At birth he was 8 pounds, 14 ounces, and 21 inches long.
Friday, May 13, 2011
My Maternity Clothes Don't Even Fit Now
Or at least most of them don't - I've outgrown all but the roomiest few pieces I have. Even the gigantic maternity t-shirt I got for Christmas with the "Chicks Dig the Jewfro" design is now a bit tight! So if you see me and suspect that if I'm wearing the same outfit as I was a couple of days ago, your suspicions are hereby confirmed. (But I'm still washing all my clothing regularly, so don't be afraid to get too close!)
But the good news is, I don't care, because I'm not going to be so big for much longer - as of today, I'm about 1 cm dilated! Progress! This probably means we will have a baby soon!
But the good news is, I don't care, because I'm not going to be so big for much longer - as of today, I'm about 1 cm dilated! Progress! This probably means we will have a baby soon!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
37-week checkup
And I was 50% effaced, no dilation. (The appointment was actually just 2 days shy of the 38-week mark.) I also now have very puffy hands and feet - the only real discomfort of my pregnancy since about a month of morning sickness during the first trimester. It's uncomfortable to write when my hands are at their worst, and I have no manual dexterity anymore because of it. I had a minor meltdown when I spilled a huge pile of nails onto the carpet the other day while hubby and I were doing some last-minute nursery decorating - how would I ever pick them all up?!! Luckily, my husband, with his deft, non-pregnant hands, stepped in and saved me!
A mom blogger I enjoy reading speculated that this kind of thing is perhaps evolution's way of making women not grieve the end of pregnancy and making them eager to labor. Whether this phenomenon is evolution's handiwork or not, late pregnancy definitely has this effect - I'm ready to meet this baby in some more meaningful way than through his funny little squirms and kicks to my belly, and I'm so ready not to be pregnant any more! Bring on the labor! My husband and I have just finished with birth classes, so I suppose we're as ready as we'll ever be. Let's get this started, kid!
A mom blogger I enjoy reading speculated that this kind of thing is perhaps evolution's way of making women not grieve the end of pregnancy and making them eager to labor. Whether this phenomenon is evolution's handiwork or not, late pregnancy definitely has this effect - I'm ready to meet this baby in some more meaningful way than through his funny little squirms and kicks to my belly, and I'm so ready not to be pregnant any more! Bring on the labor! My husband and I have just finished with birth classes, so I suppose we're as ready as we'll ever be. Let's get this started, kid!
"Listening to Mothers" Survey
First-time moms tend to spend a good deal of time agonizing over a birth plan. Or at least I did, since I had no idea, going into this, of all the birthing options, let alone what the possible advantages and disadvantages of each were. If you're going through this process now, you might be wondering how happy women ultimately were with the results - how was their recovery, short term and long term? How helpful did women rate doulas and various kinds of birth classes? Were they pleased with the kind of facility and support personnel they chose? Well, wonder no more - this national survey talks to mothers with various kinds of different birth experiences to see how they'd rate their experiences:
http://childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ClickedLink=205&ck=10068&area=2
This survey is especially interesting in comparing the short term and long term satisfaction of women who had cesarean sections and vaginal births. Women also answer questions on how long it took them to lose the baby weight, how well breastfeeding went, when their sex lives got back to normal, and other likely topics of interest to new or soon-to-be moms.
Happy Mother's Day to my mom, my mother-in-law, and all my mom readers!
http://childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ClickedLink=205&ck=10068&area=2
This survey is especially interesting in comparing the short term and long term satisfaction of women who had cesarean sections and vaginal births. Women also answer questions on how long it took them to lose the baby weight, how well breastfeeding went, when their sex lives got back to normal, and other likely topics of interest to new or soon-to-be moms.
Happy Mother's Day to my mom, my mother-in-law, and all my mom readers!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
The Hazards of Attachment Parenting and the Like
This story about mothers who gave up custody of their children is interesting for what it says about the self-abnegating and self-destructive ideals of parenting and specifically, motherhood, many in our culture hold.
One mother featured is Rahna Reiko Rizzuto, a professor and author who gave up custody of her children when she divorced. She explains,
Talyaa Liera, another mom who took the same course of action, describes her experience as a mother before she divorced and moved thousands of miles away from her ex and her children:
Why is it that these women, who obviously cared deeply for their children, felt that they had no option but to give them up? It certainly doesn't seem that either suffered from any initial lack of dedication to her children. Liera, for example, practiced attachment parenting, which strives to build "a special bond between parent and child". Dr. Sears, the founder of the attachment parenting approach, explains,
So far, so good - who wouldn't want to feel in harmony with her child, respond appropriately to her baby's cues, and enjoy her child more? Any parent would, of course, and the fact that Liera subscribed to such a parenting philosophy perhaps makes it even more surprising that she ultimately gave up custody of her own children. What went wrong?
What attachment parenting holds is necessary to have a harmonious relationship with one's child helps answer this question. For a taste of what attachment parenting specifically counsels, see here, here, and here. In these responses, Dr. Sears counsels against parents spending even a single night apart from their child until the child is at least two or three, and against rushing children out of their parents' bed - if the child is still not ready to leave, at age 4-1/2, and dad is sleeping on the sofa, well, that may be fine if it's what the child needs.
Imagine the kind of life Talyaa Liera had, given these kinds of ideals - given the standards of parenting that she and her husband were trying to live up to. She and her husband had multiple children over several years, and over all that time that they had a "family bed", with breastfeeding into the toddlerhood of the youngest. They did this all perhaps without ever having even a single night to themselves or as a couple. It's surprising that their marriage didn't end sooner.
What is interesting - and very sad - about the story is that none of the women interviewed really question this self-abnegating ideal of motherhood, of which attachment parenting is just one manifestation. Instead they take the ideal for granted as the right one and explain why they gave up being custodial parents when they couldn't live up to it. As the stories in this article help indicate, this kind of ideal is incompatible with the woman's happiness, with either partner having any time for the marriage or for himself or herself, and with either parent (especially the mother) being able to enjoy parenthood; none of these things are good for anyone, which is why this is a seriously flawed way to approach parenting. If sustained, it also sets a bad example for one's children regarding their view of the importance of a person having his own values and pursuits outside of the family.
The current attachment parenting fad is just one manifestation of the wrong idea of what parenting is and should be that is unfortunately very widespread today. A good parent will give a child a sense that he is loved and supported, but she will do this in part by helping her child become a person - an individual in his own right, with his own interests and values - not by herself ceasing to be such a person.
Postscript: I should have mentioned that I think AP gets some of its specific recommendations right - especially its recommendations for newborn care - and that I think it is right to teach parents to try to understand and respond to children's individual needs. Nonetheless, I also think there are some fundamental problems with AP. For more on this, see the comments below.
One mother featured is Rahna Reiko Rizzuto, a professor and author who gave up custody of her children when she divorced. She explains,
I had this idea that motherhood was this really all-encompassing thing. I was afraid of being swallowed up by that.
Talyaa Liera, another mom who took the same course of action, describes her experience as a mother before she divorced and moved thousands of miles away from her ex and her children:
At the time I was a heavily involved, attachment-parenting Waldorf mom. I did the whole family bed, breastfeeding-into-toddlerhood, baby-wearing thing. I was at home with them for 10 years before their father and I split up, and stayed at home after that, trying to create a writing career to support myself.
Why is it that these women, who obviously cared deeply for their children, felt that they had no option but to give them up? It certainly doesn't seem that either suffered from any initial lack of dedication to her children. Liera, for example, practiced attachment parenting, which strives to build "a special bond between parent and child". Dr. Sears, the founder of the attachment parenting approach, explains,
Attachment means that a mother and baby are in harmony with each other. Being in harmony with your baby is one of the most fulfilling feelings a mother can ever hope to have. Watch a mother and baby who are attached (in harmony) with each other. When the baby gives a cue, such as crying or facial expressions, signifying a need, the mother, because she is open to the baby's cues, responds... Because the baby gives the mother the feedback that her mothering is appreciated, the mother-baby pair enjoy each other more.
So far, so good - who wouldn't want to feel in harmony with her child, respond appropriately to her baby's cues, and enjoy her child more? Any parent would, of course, and the fact that Liera subscribed to such a parenting philosophy perhaps makes it even more surprising that she ultimately gave up custody of her own children. What went wrong?
What attachment parenting holds is necessary to have a harmonious relationship with one's child helps answer this question. For a taste of what attachment parenting specifically counsels, see here, here, and here. In these responses, Dr. Sears counsels against parents spending even a single night apart from their child until the child is at least two or three, and against rushing children out of their parents' bed - if the child is still not ready to leave, at age 4-1/2, and dad is sleeping on the sofa, well, that may be fine if it's what the child needs.
Imagine the kind of life Talyaa Liera had, given these kinds of ideals - given the standards of parenting that she and her husband were trying to live up to. She and her husband had multiple children over several years, and over all that time that they had a "family bed", with breastfeeding into the toddlerhood of the youngest. They did this all perhaps without ever having even a single night to themselves or as a couple. It's surprising that their marriage didn't end sooner.
What is interesting - and very sad - about the story is that none of the women interviewed really question this self-abnegating ideal of motherhood, of which attachment parenting is just one manifestation. Instead they take the ideal for granted as the right one and explain why they gave up being custodial parents when they couldn't live up to it. As the stories in this article help indicate, this kind of ideal is incompatible with the woman's happiness, with either partner having any time for the marriage or for himself or herself, and with either parent (especially the mother) being able to enjoy parenthood; none of these things are good for anyone, which is why this is a seriously flawed way to approach parenting. If sustained, it also sets a bad example for one's children regarding their view of the importance of a person having his own values and pursuits outside of the family.
The current attachment parenting fad is just one manifestation of the wrong idea of what parenting is and should be that is unfortunately very widespread today. A good parent will give a child a sense that he is loved and supported, but she will do this in part by helping her child become a person - an individual in his own right, with his own interests and values - not by herself ceasing to be such a person.
Postscript: I should have mentioned that I think AP gets some of its specific recommendations right - especially its recommendations for newborn care - and that I think it is right to teach parents to try to understand and respond to children's individual needs. Nonetheless, I also think there are some fundamental problems with AP. For more on this, see the comments below.
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